Jul 311 min read

Slow it Down; Simple Things; Use your Hands

Updated: Jul 4

What does being present for yourself .. mean.. what does it look like..

This blog has been put in a handful of different directions, if I am going to be perfectly honest. I thought i’d call it “The One Where I Slowed Down, and looked around a little bit more” or “The Simple Things”.. but then I wanted to call it “The One Where I Use My Hands”..

This specific blog in its entirety for me was about being more present for myself.. and weirdly enough this week (well last week when you probably read this) in yoga a reading was shared with us about “being present for yourself.”

Being present for myself is simple. I have been doing a lot more of what feels good in my soul. Similar to how I was in California. I finally feel like I have been able to find all of what I need here to bring me the same level of peace that I created for myself there. I started doing more of what I want to actually be doing, and I allowed myself to NOT engage with anything else. Being present for myself has included opening my eyes more and more and staying true to myself.

After I did the “big” announcement of how I started my LLC, I sort of went silent again, or just rather didn’t post, which I think is normally the opposite of how any one else’s strategy would have gone.

For the last two months especially, I have loved being able to do the majority of my business offline;

I have loved being able to wake up and not look at social media for a day, a week, and so on with no anxiety over posting or not posting, writing or not writing. I have celebrated business milestones within this last two months of mine, on my own. Not because no one else thinks they’re important but because I have kept them to myself. I guess not only were they business milestones but also personal goals as well. Something I also value, and love; is keeping things like this private and for myself. Now don’t get me wrong the internet does give us a lot of great things and I do think it can hold great value. I mean I post this blog on here and it gives me the opportunity to share my thoughts and whatever it is I write here with others or I guess I should say, you.

I have been working, I have been writing, and I have been creating.. I have been being present in my life with what is directly in front of me. So honestly, posting on the internet, didn’t really intrigue me. I have been having fun working on my business without the presence of the internet or the urge to post about it. Consistently building up the group workouts, slowly.. and also doing some one offs, or smaller groups workouts. Opening myself up to other opportunities by word of mouth. Regardless if I post a picture or not, the Group or a few of us always show up Monday and Wednesdays for our walk and run hour.

After a few things transpired, some anxiety and simply witnessing things that didn’t sit right with me, Social media continued to decrease on my priority list. This blog is my vulnerable space, I have poured a lot into this over the last few years (and with blogs that are still to be posted) and I love it but I needed a mini break. Life has been as I would say “life-ing” and I came across something that said,

USE YOUR HANDS.

I read that.. and then I read it again.. and then I found my self repeating it.. each day.. over the last twoish months while I was creating new things. While I was challenging myself in new ways. To take hobbies of mine, that I used to be into, and start them again; practicing and creating. These said things, are a lot of Simple things really. I have been starting projects, that I always wanted to try and do but never just DID. I mean everything I have been doing has included literally using my hands.. besides the obvious writing, (to name a few things) using my hands has literally ranged from gardening (with my mom), to sewing all different types of things to saving two birds who were trapped or stuck a week apart from each other (with my brother).

Over the last handful of years, allowing myself the time and space to get back into all of these, has created moments of reminiscing and simply remembering. I guess it all just reaffirmed for me, how much I love being “IN REAL LIFE.”

This all led me into thinking about how grateful I am to have grown up in a time where we did so many things without the presence of the internet. I go back and forth with the idea of, how you could leave the house go about your day and then return home in the evening and catch up with the family or whoever was around you.

We were those kids that parents opened the door and said go outside.. we would run wild. Building forts in the woods, in the house. Big wheel races down massive hills, Riding bikes (making jumps), roller skating/blading, skateboarding, laying on a skateboard (“luging”) down my aunts driveway,.. sports.. literally all of them; soccer, hockey, tennis, running club, iceskating, snowboarding, dodgeball tournaments, pickleball tournaments, playing home run derby, whiffle ball games, manhunt, capture the flag, knock out in the driveway. Other random things; tea parties, learning how to bail hay, milk cows, eating chives from my aunts garden, Swimming, boogie boarding, learning to surf, being active in a pool or the lake, learning how to cook and sew, Lawn mower races, riding dirt bikes, quads, and go karts. Basically you name it, we either did it or watched our friends/family members do it. The type to go “oh I’ll try it.” I even have two friends who I buried a times capsule with when we finished the 8th grade (Have we dug it up.. well we attempted it once but have no clue honestly where it is even located.. and not to mention it has been I think about twenty years since we found its home in the ground).

I think lately I have been thinking so much about those moments because they were so special. To have these moments only captured in our memory banks & through a small camera is what makes them even better for me.

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I think I have said it a handful of times about how I enjoy the little things, the simple things and that is so obvious to me in each moment I have had in front of me lately.

I have had moments where I have felt things deeply. I have had moments where I could feel my entire body and face light up. I have had moments of pain, and moments of sadness. Moments of realization. Moments of releasing. Moments just OBSERVING. Time is something you can’t get back. It is precious really. Prioritize the things, and the people in your life that add value to yours. Prioritize, all the things that play a part in you being you, the ones that do not require you to be something that you are not.

Hug those you love around you, tell people how much you care about them, or how they may impact you and your life; whatever it is you want to say to them or ask them, I hope you find the time to be open to talk to them and be present with them. Things can happen in the blink of an eye. I look at time as a commodity. I have watched a lot of time be taken for granted lately in areas, that make no sense to me personally. We are all different, our perspectives different.

The next time you have a simple moment or JUST A MOMENT, whether it be a second, a minute, an hour.. whatever .. look around you, breath.. what do you see? what do you feel? What do you think of?

Cherish those simple moments; whether its a quick conversation over tea/coffee in the morning, watching a sunrise/sunset and dipping in the ocean, or the scenic drive home, or maybe its just sitting in silence with yourself, or another person, or maybe its witnessing someone else accomplish a goal of theirs or them just calling to tell you something of value to them or maybe its that random dance break you took with the cashier at Joanns a random day in the week. Any and every moment shared or alone is precious, it is of great importance and it shouldn’t go unnoticed to yourself.

I hope you find moments in your day where you can be present for yourself.

In my Journal Lately:

I have done my best to stay present, and slow down.

slow down while also getting a lot accomplished.

trusting my intuition

I can count on one hand the individuals I trust, see and talk to.

Quality over quantity

I kept having this overwhelming feeling of lacking trust when I got back.

I was having a lot of internal battles mentally again, if I am being honest.

The Journey isn’t only about the highs, its also about the lows too.

continuing to witness things that had an effect on me deep in my gut

Moments where I start to question those around me, and who has access to me.

some individuals in my life may not be fully honest with me, and it is not my job to force any truths out of them.

Without judgment, without needing to know why.

Just letting individuals be, and go if they wish.

Sick of the fight to keep people who don’t want to stay.

trusting the flow of it all, each day and each moment.

When things come up, I just ride the wave as it comes.

Moving forward grateful for whatever is to come next.

“The simplest moments, that hold so much power”

Random but not

12.29.20

06.07.22

05.24.24 ..I stood there in a dress, my perfectly, messy curled hair.. bathing suit in hand..

For a moment, this one right in front of me.. I took a deep breath;

Smiling at the beauty, the power.. how I missed the sound of the waves crashing and the feeling of the sand under my feet.. as I sprinted into the freezing cold water..

..This moment was everything..

06.09.24 Hiking through the woods.. settling into the silence.. then all you hear is the birds.. & then the rain pouring down on the treetops.. stepping out of the woods for a few moments to close my eyes and turn my face up to the sky.. letting the rain hit my face.. I took a deep breath.. and walked back into the woods to find the next path.

Moments sleeping in a screened in porch.. falling asleep to the sound of a fire snap, cracking and popping below..seeing the fireflies and the stars, and the sound of the bugs, and the animals all around. Waking up to the sunrise on my face.. a nice soft glow. Bliss. Peace.

The orange.. pink glow.. how it, could be so captivating each and every time.

Sometimes the silence is loud. Silence can sometimes tell you more then you thought it would.

Silence

No words

Something I know well.

Something I understand but in the same breath something I don’t.

Time, is something you don’t get back.

Regardless if its been fifty days or sixty days or a year & so on.

Life is always moving forward.

Does any one ever apologize or do they just manipulate until you cave?

Truth, honesty, loyalty.

Choices and priorities that I have witnessed.

Still no words.

Silence. No judgements.

Peace.

Sunrises and sunsets.

The slow down of it all.

Staying true to my own word and myself.

Building and resting, and building and resting.

Days with uncontrollable laughter.. oh how those moments are treasured forever and always.

Imagine someone who makes you feel seen and heard

Imagine someone who learns how to communicate with you even when they stumble over their words

Imagine someone shows and not just tells you they want you in their life (in friendships and romantic relationships)

Someone who makes you feel safe and protected

Who provides a space for you to be yourself

someone who not only touches your body, but your heart and your mind too

someone who doesn’t manipulate you or gaslight you.. someone who doesn’t make you feel less

I’ve been doing that for myself..

Spaces that bring out the best in you, people who allow you to flow freely in who you are, who aren’t afraid to be honest with you, who are just as eager to sit in the storm with you and the silence as they are the bright sunshine.

Isolation..

the place I go when nothing makes sense

the place I go to work and create

if someone shows me they do not want to talk to me, I do not force myself into their lives..

I respect their wish and stay away

I’m not the person you have to worry about coming back,

once I’ve felt like you are good without me I continue on building myself up.

What flows flow and what goes go..

Not forcing

sometimes my mind is going too fast that I can’t write a full thought down and out before a new one replaces it..

sometimes my mind replays the same thought over and over until i write it down.. it lingers

you show up for yourself

You fight for yourself and what you want

You give to yourself

You touch yourself

You rest

And you breath

I realized sometimes I over stay my welcome in others lives,

I realized I planted or inserted my self in their life for too long

and it is only when things go silent and I don’t reach out or make the effort to stay anymore that I realize it.

Maybe I’m just in my head.

Kindness is not a weakness. Always remember that.

Once I let individuals in close enough to me, I can remember the smallest details about them that they’ve shared. From their favorite quotes, to what snacks, or little things they like vs don’t like.

Gus Gus, the most loyal little guy

Hope. Keep it alive.

Your body as an attention grabber

Your mind the attention keeper

But what if it was your mind as the attention grabber and keeper

“Just because they show up doesn’t mean they have your Back”

You’ll see.. you have supporters, then you have those who come up with excuses when the time comes to actually support you. You can see the fakes when something good happens for you and when something bad happens for you..

The delay.. nope it was the slow down..

it was about noticing more

It was about connecting more

Ill always be the type of person who prefers the truth over a lie.. no matter the situation no matter if it’ll hurt

Imagine how much easier it is to speak the truth then you wouldn’t have to remember all the different lies

One thing I’ve learned is that when you are kind, the takers assume you are also weak.

I’m always observing.. noticing patterns noticing where I’m being taking advantage

I’m noticing the lies.. I notice where the stories don’t make sense

If I ask questions that’s me giving you the opportunity to give truth.. and when it’s still avoided you become untrustworthy and get a closed off version of me. Where I allow you to see certain things/ be a part of little things.

My loyalty keeps me in spaces, situations, relationships, and friendships way past their expiration date.. that’s on me

Moving forward, no matter what.

Those moments where you don’t want less and you don’t want more.. you just want that one moment again and again.

A knowing, a need, a want.

Some different quotes that have been sort of stuck lately:

“She and the mountains

were one in the same.

They were both strong,

belonged to no one

and were filled with endless wonder.”

“She is not “my girl.”

She belongs to herself. And I am a fortunate man for it,