My Journey: The Struggle to Date, Trust & Open up.

Lets all just shake our heads now..

Dating..

Personally.. Id rather not, or as I’d say “I’m not gonna participate in that”.

I know I wrote a blog about commitment.. and you’re probably thinking why do you need to write a blog about dating now.. and the thing is .. dating ..I’ll say has been an INTERESTING.. part of my journey.

If I had to choose I’d prefer to just wake up.. drink my tea, go to the gym and honestly do anything else (work .. hike .. beach..). I enjoy meeting new people.. in different places.. making new memories and having new experiences. Just in a non dating sense.

My dating experiences over the last few years.. have been unique.. but also basic..

each a very different experience. I’m sure anyone out there in the “Single Pringle Pool” understands.. all the different date options that there can be.. or are .. I am sure you have experienced your fair share of dates and have a handful of stories.

Heck I have stories from individuals that I haven’t even gone on a date with… but just stumbled upon on my daily activities .. just living, breathing, existing.

classic dinner dates

walks on the beach

Someone cooking for the other

hiking

movies

Working out/the gym

breakfast

Skate/long boarding

Farmers market

Tea/Coffee

work from home

Playing a game

Laying in the park

bookstore

Its not that I always try to avoid dates..I also do not go out in search of a date either.

I feel like most people just assume single people are just waiting for someone to pop up or drop into their lap .. and that we want that to happen.

I enjoy my time with myself, I feel like I don’t want to use the word content.. but I am perfectly okay with living the rest of my life or time with myself. I am grateful for whoever I meet along the way and whether they end up sticking/staying or not.

Because my awkwardness will get the best of me in any circumstance where I find I am actually interested in someone.

What is a few questions you ask someone you just meet for the first time?

Are they unique to you and what you personally care about learning or taking in?

The topic of me actually making the choice to hang out with someone..

for me to make that decision.. it takes a lot; so then you can imagine that it mentally takes a lot for me to go on date number two. No matter the circumstance.

My mindset after the first hang out/date always goes one of two ways..

I either think it was a disaster and they’re definitely like “nahhh, no thank you”..

or … I think “run away immediately, feelings could potentially happen here”.

Either way I like to believe that what’s meant to be will be, I don’t put pressure on someone to see me again.. I don’t go out of my way to interrupt their day .. as I feel as I’d be bothering them.

different experiences with others/convos:

Imagine an ice breaker question on a date is “what’s the first thing you noticed about me” (this was on a card .. in a game)… and I’ll let you take one guess at what the person said..

…He said your booty.. (Of course if you are reading this and you know me.. you know this was definitely the last date/hangout with this individual).

It’s always interesting to me the comments that men (in my case) will say, when it comes to my body. For instance, my all time favorite (that’s happened a few times).. “Whatever you do.. don’t lose your butt.” .. hey yes.. let me try to not lose it.. thank you!

Like Bro.. these thick thighs (booty).. doesn’t go anywhere..

Other things I have noticed while dating is peoples phone use.. and how consumed they can be within their technology (I understand some individuals work through the phones or that it is their work phone). I guess for me.. when spending time with someone else I’ll usually keep my phone in my purse or on silent face down.. (not because I am hiding anything, which, I have been told before). But because I value when someone has the ability to be present. I value communication and if someone has the ability to be/have understanding.

When someone has their phone out the whole time.. constantly answering their phone calls/texts.. checking social media..

Instantly I just get turned off, and its an instant no for me.

Oh here is a conversation that took place over a smoothie… one guy, said to me.. “if I don’t feel like the conversation is entertaining enough, then I go on my phone.”

Welp.. thanks.

Another one is how a guy looked me right in my face and said “its your loss” .. and then months later.. tells me to “know my worth” when he sees me in public.

* * * *

My mind goes so many different places in the category of other human beings and dating.. and just simple interactions from time to time.

why do certain individuals circle back?

You know after someone ghosts the other, or after one of you decide its not going to work out or even if someone loses interest in the other. .. but then someone circles back..

Dating = a “mixed bag” because I have also asked myself:

why is this person even interested in me?

I guess I only ask myself that question.. or sometimes I even ask the other person.. because I have looked someone in the face and asked why they loved me.. and gotten absolutely nothing in return.. no words.. just silence.

I feel like it has taken a lot for me to overcome that.. To take the fear of someone genuinely finding interest in me for more than just body/energy transferring. It can get tough thinking someone would want to build something with me.. a future etc etc.. when I sometimes can’t even picture myself in a future sense.

* * * *

Consistency with yourself..

• learning/understanding yourself

• Do you have trigger.. or past triggers.. and why?

• how to grow past previous fears ..

• Learning that you will not lose your independence

• someone shouldn’t ever make you feel not worthy, if you know your own worth

• Learning why sometimes self sabotage happens

Even with all the years of working on myself and making a commitment to myself..

Some individuals… have had the ability to get me to back track into a mindset that I’ve worked hard to work through and past.. one where little insecurities, pop up.. or little fears flare up.

This is all to say that for me I am a bit cautious when it comes to putting myself out there and getting close to someone else. I am still working on my “runners” mindset, when it comes too letting someone get close to me in an intimate or personal way.

When it comes to the idea of dating or the action of it..

I like to ask myself a few questions..

Am I genuinely interested?

Am I being present?

Do I feel safe in this persons presence?

Can I be myself?

Does this person align with the person I am working towards being for myself?

What I have learned along the way is..

• how to start expressing my feelings, intentions and thoughts

• That I lose interest really quickly if someone lacks the capability to communicate

• I lose interest if they are incapable of being understanding or not open to seeing another point of view besides their own.

• I sometimes close up and give absolutely nothing.

• when someone wants to spend time with me more than once a week, I slightly panic.. and “abort” mission.

• I still don’t rush into any type of relationship/or rush when it comes to dating/dates

So.. to end this.. id say that I am not afraid of dating..

I am just still working on getting over the fear of sharing my mind with another human being.. for them to understand the way I think .. to know my thoughts, the in’s and out’s of my mind.

I value my mind, and my thoughts.

I feel that in learning, connecting with your mind, body and soul.. and then learning your worth.. and respecting yourself.. it helps you see people clearly for who they are or what they show you. It helps you see things for exactly what they are.. instead of glamorizing or putting this person on a pedestal for what they say to you.

The only person in this sense that I think about is myself.. as I have worked hard to find myself again.. to come back to myself.. to understand my self. Even though I get lost from time to time.. I always come back to myself.. with new experiences, and new life lessons.

.. know your worth..

Know you deserve all that you desire.

Do not settle for anything less.

Be authentically yourself, and go after the life you’ve always wanted.

What’s meant for you will not pass you by.. trust that.

Love Your Journey